Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
