We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
