My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
