help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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