We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
