Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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