This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
