are you still at the devil's house?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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