tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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