shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
