Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
