Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
