It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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