I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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