haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
