glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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