their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Randomize
