Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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