Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
