are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
