god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
