um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
