I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
