why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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