So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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