Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
