Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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