SEEEEXXX PLEASE
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
