better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
