we're blogging at a bar
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i've created a new STD.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
