Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
