i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
