What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
