And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
