Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
