remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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