Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
