You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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