Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
