Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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