haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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