11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
