Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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