Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
