did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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