you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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