there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
