Your face is a jimmy john
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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