nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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