I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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