WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
