we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
