You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
